We were amazed this morning when we stumbled across this amazingly well conceived little piece of kit on the Aether blog.

We had never heard of a collapsible motorbike that could be dropped into action behind enemy lines before. The lightweight issue (which is more or less a proto–Monkeybike) was designed by the British Inter Services Research Bureau, which was based in Welwyn, apparently, to give paratroopers increased range and manouverability behind enemy lines.

Naturally the bike had to be stripped down to the bare essentials in order to fit inside the standard drop container and so came with a single rear brake, no suspension or lamps. The fuel tank had to be pressurised by a hand pump, apparently, but gave a pretty decent 90 mile range at 30 mph.

According to various sources, though, the bike turned out to be a bit of a liability in action. Because of the weight of them the bikes would usually land a long way away from the troops who were supposed to ride them, and the soldiers would have to fight their back to it.

Once it was found, the bikes had to be assembled under enemy fire and were more or less useless offroad because of their lack of low-end twist.

When load-baring gliders were introduced to airborne forces toward the end of the war the Welbike was phased out in favour of heavier ‘proper’ bikes like the Royal Enfield WD/RE.

A great idea, but, we think, not quite the full, Churchillian cigar.

image: Sideburn

Our friends at Sideburn magazine, “the world’s most suave motorcycle magazine”, is organising and promoting a one-off, cross-genre event that they reckon will to “go down in history”.

Hold on to your whiskers folks and prepare for the hairiest bike event of the 2011. Rollerburn, according to the dirty-left turning Sideburn crew who are creating such a thing, will be “a festival of two-wheeled death traps and roller derby vixens”.

On Saturday 19 November 2011, at Newark Showground, Nottinghamshire the staff of the cult magazine will host nine hours of “family entertainment” (!) incorporating a full roller derby match, followed by the world’s first (and probably last) Indoor Rollerball drag race: three lightning fast racers riding three motorcycles towing three fearless roller girls. One winner.

One of the confirmed racers is Guy Martin, arguably Britain’s favourite bike racer, Isle of Man TT hero, star of TT 3D – Closer to the Edge and the BBC primetime series – The Boat That Guy Built. His attendance guarantees a sell-out crowd.

In addition there will be an invite-only custom show of the finest custom bikes; live sets from a bunch of bands, flat track demos, DJs, food and drink stalls and loads more.

You either get it or you don’t. We suggest you turn up either way to see what all the fuss is about.

Moto Guzzi V7 Sport (below)
I first saw one of these long and low stunners basking next to a tent at an early ’90s Bulldog Bash. A churning hit my guts that was unrelated to days of semi-ferral survival on hoof ’n’ eyelid burgers and rough keg bitter. I was in love. Yes, I liked the later Le Mans, but back then Guzzis rumbled beneath my radar. This earlier bike’s all-new chassis and engine mods improved hugely all Guzzis that followed. It’s a 120mph race-bred gem that when released in 1971 was fast, exotic and twice the price of a Honda CB750 Four. A few years after the campsite encounter, I bought one cheap, in bits. We’re still married.

Ducati 900SS
There are rarer versions of the big sporty 1970s Dukes, but this one has always done it for me. Lean and muscular, like a whippet on steroids, it barks a deep bass thud through barely-silenced Conti megaphones that spit trouser-flapping, chest-punching pulses. The stretch to the clip-ons is like assuming the position prior to something unspeakable, but being stretched across that tank as the long-legged torque from the desmo V-twin makes all around you go blur and boom is what riding is all about, isn’t it?

Bimota Tesi 3D
You’ve got to give it to Bimota, for a little firm they’ve got massive, well, let’s say gnocchi. When they debuted a concept of their freaky hub-centre-steered creation at the Milan Show in 1983, it’s argued that it so overshadowed their other models that the punters kept their money in their pockets to await the production version, thus bankrupting the firm. The Rimini factory’s fortunes have since gone up and down like a bride’s nightie, but they’re still there and this latest incarnation of the Tesi, the Ducati 1100-powered 3D, is a weird and beautiful praying mantis in metal. Love it.

MV Agusta Magni 850
When Phil Read won MV’s last 500cc title in 1974, grand prix bikes looked like this. I was nine years old and it had a lasting impact (as did Wendy Johnson showing me her gerbil behind the shed, but I digress). Arturo Magni was MV’s last race boss and when the firm closed in the late ’70s he started creating heavily-modded versions of the slightly disappointing 750S road bikes. Loads of neat features, including a great chassis, the swap to chain drive and those swooping, barely-silenced pipes. Forget the price. I’d have to sell a kidney from every member of my extended family, which might be deemed unethical. I’ll continue to dream.

Aprilia RSV4 Factory

Not a typical choice for me. I’m often left cold by bikes that so humble my abilities I can hardly see the point of them. But the Factory gets my vote for its bogglingly high spec, buttock-clenching performance and yet at a price that, while not cheap, isn’t outrageous given what you get. It’s cramped, loud, ridiculous for the road and probably says something unfortunate about the size of my manhood, but there you go. Oh, and given that Aprilia is part of the Piaggio group, I love that such exotica is essentially funded by sales of humble little scooters.

Stars have always sought out or been assigned new ways of creating an image.

We noticed, in our extensive daily scour of the web, that time and time again, to stick a celebrity on a motorbike alters their image.

Seeing someone like Daniel Day Lewis, say, or Paul McCartney on a motorbike does something to our ideas of them. Jack Nicholson, sure. Suzi Quattro, or even Sid Vicious– these sorts of faces sit comfortably astride a two-wheeled stallion. We’ve seen them before and their image of Bike and Individual are almost interchangeable.

But Jagger and James Dean, Anthony Quinn and Jerry Lee Lewis? It’s as if the motorbike transforms them and you see them in a new, clearer light.

We all know that full face helmets are useful in a number of ways. Not only can they expose ones sculptural features to full view of the peeps on the side of the road as your growl past them, V-Twin burbling in a macho manner – but they can give a sense of rebellious derring-do.

Stylistic statements aside, we’re wondering whether the urge to look sexy is worth risking a full-on facial injury for. We know how the folk at Ruby feel.

Coming straight out of the 16th arrondisment rather than the badlands of New Mexico, Les Ateliers Ruby are purveyors of supremely refined bespoke helmets, scarves and other paraphenalia that tap into a strange European ‘cooling’ of things essentially American and greaser. The website is worthing checking out, just for the soundtrack.

Somewhere in the fashion world a residual ache for the inherent cool of motorcycles glows. Ruby offer a complete personalisation service. You can order your very own design rendered in beautiful carbon fibre, leather lined magnificence. You just need the Vincent. Problem is, to quote Hunter S Thompson the late, great godfather of Gonzo, if you met the nicest people on a Honda, on Vincent Black Shadows you met nutters.

“That is the attitude of the New Age superbike freak, and I am one of them. On some days they are about the most fun you can have with your clothes on. The Vincent just killed you a lot faster than a superbike will. A fool couldn’t ride the Vincent Black Shadow more than once, but a fool can ride a Ducati 900 many times, and it will always be bloodcurdling kind of fun. That is the Curse of Speed which has plagued me all my life. I am a slave to it. On my tombstone they will carve, “IT NEVER GOT FAST ENOUGH FOR ME.”

And therein lies the rub. The worlds of fashion and trend are far removed from the thigh burning, greasy reality of owning a classically brutal bike. That’s why, we suppose, hi tech superbikes make perfect sense. But gimme a 1952 Vincent any day.

Click here to view the embedded video.

The stunning R1 is not the only Yamaha motorcycle to have occupied the cutting edge of design innovation. Over the last 30 years the company has pioneered more things that worked than any other Japanese corporation.

by Rupert Paul